You Can Date and Not Have A Boyfriend!

Since starting college I've made it a goal to call home at least once a week. I find that if I call on Sunday's I'm able to have a nice long conversation with my family. If I know my weekends are going to be busy, I'll call home as I'm walking to my apartment from class and have a lovely 15-20 minute conversation with my mom. However, every time I call, whether it's my parents or siblings, the first question I'm always asked is...

ARE YOU DATING?

or

DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND YET?

Now you have to understand that my family isn't constantly pressuring me to start dating the first man I see walking across campus nor are they seeing me lesser than I am because they don't receive the answer they want to hear. 

Whenever I call I alway wonder if whoever is talking to me understands the difference between going on dates and having a boyfriend, then I realized that the definition of dating has changed. First off lets change the word. 

Dating means to go out with someone that you have an interest in

Courting means to be involved with someone romantically, with the intentions of marrying them.

Dating is something that should be done with a variety of people. What I mean is that you shouldn't only take one person on dates over and over again, instead you should take different people out on dates every time. Dating allows you to get to know a person. You'll find out what they like and what they don't, their interest and hobbies, and their overall personality. Dating can lead you to finding someone that you may take a real interest in which then can lead to courtship.

However before we can talk about finding "the one" we must clarify what a date actually is. Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, said that a date consists of the 3 P's, planned, paid for, and paired off. These three P's are what differentiate a date from simply hanging out. Dates must be planned ahead! You can't just be hanging out with someone and go to Subway and call it a date, you should ask before hand and make it known it's a date. Next pay for it, this doesn't mean that you have to do anything super expensive but if you ask someone on a date, you're treating them to something. Lastly paired off. If you decide to do something like a group date stick with your date, don't go hanging around other people and ignore the person you invited. Make it known that the person you invited to go on the date is in fact your date!

After dating and getting to know a variety of people you may come to find that you want to start courting someone. When courting you move beyond knowing what they like and dislike and begin to understand how they handle different situation and what they're like with different people. You begin to know them on a more romantic level in which you may see the potential for a successful marriage. When you decide to court someone you go into it know that marriage is a very possible outcome. Don't begin courting someone when you already know that they aren't someone you could marry because that starts to playing with emotions that can cause more damage than good in the end. 

So my answer to my family's questions...

Are you dating?

Of course I am!

Have you ever courted someone?

Nope but I hope to one day!

Boy or Girl, Which One Am I?

What does it mean to be a girl?

What does it mean to be a boy?

 The Family: A Proclamation to the World defines the role of a woman as someone who bares and nurtures children. They are to teach them right and wrong and help them develop into strong independent men and women. The role of the man is different. They are the provider, protector, and presiders over the family. They work in different job to make money that is used to provide the basic need of a family. If someone were to attack their family they would stand up and protect them in any way possible. Even though the role of men and women are different they were divinely created specifically for each of us and men and women are see a equal partners in the sight of God.

Most of these traits, like nurturer or provider, are naturally developed by people as they grow. Women tend to grow up as nurtures whether it be a daughter helping a mother, babysitters, or simply women being more incline to the emotional cues of other. As I've grown up I've seen these trait develop in myself and found that I continue to develop more motherly attributes.

I started babysitting when I was 11 years old. Now at this age I never had children of my own to take care of or be responsible for. Needless to say I had no clue what to do. However as I babysat I began to figure out the needs of children of various ages and how to deal with different personalities as well as how to overall take care of children. I'm not saying I am expert and I still have much to learn but these qualities were brought over when I began nannying at 15. When I received my license when I was a nanny I was able to experience a taste of what it can be like being a mother by driving kids to various practices, cooking, and cleaning in a matter of hours. No one had sat me down and trained me to do these things, though I did have the example of my mother, they were in my nature of being a woman. Loving children and nurturing them in the different ways I could was something that came natural to me, I wasn't something that I had to work hard at to learn.

Same goes for men. In tradition families men are providers and protectors. In my family my dad works to fulfill the needs of my family. By working my dad has provided food, shelter, transportation, and so much more for my family. The idea to provide for the family wasn't something that my dad had to learn but it naturally came to him as he saw that he had a family to provide for.

In today's world these roles can be considered very sexist and that women and men need to be equal in everything. I'm not opposed to women taking on some of these natural male attribute, but it is once that these male attribute replace the divine role of a woman that I believe it is wrong. Same goes for men developing natural female attributes. God has divinely given us roles that we must uphold and fight for. Some people believe that it wrong for women to only be mothers but there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with a woman wanting to be a mother and wanting a husband being a provider for her and her children.

Even though gender roles are seen as wrong in the world today, they are extremely important in how the family functions and to help the family function in a positive, healthy way.

Influences

What we do, where we live, and who we associate ourselves with determine what we will become. But who is to say that it is any different for the family. Not only can one family influence another but each person within the family can be influenced by each other whether we know it or not. For class we had to watch a video about a woman named Tammy. She is what we consider to be lower class. She lives in a trailer with her two sons and works for minimum wage at a Burger King. The video shows how she works hard to have a good life for her kids and how she aspires to go to college despite her financial struggle to become a school teacher. Her eldest son Matt explains how his friends are a class higher than he is. He's determined to finish high school and go on to college so he doesn't remain in the same class as his mother. In the update video 12 years later we see Matt and come to find out that he ended up dropping out of high school, never went to college, and remains in the lower class that he was so determined to leave. This may not have been the life he chose but it is the life he knows because of the influence of his mom. 

In this video series, it explores the idea of the influences of social class and how some people can be in the middle class and still go to a higher class functions. While taking on the facade of being a part of the upper class they act as though they belong there, when in actuality they still belong in the middle class. In this example we see how the upper class influences the middle class. Furthermore lower class and middle class people work for high class people which then adds more influence.

Not only does social class influence our families, but so do our cultures. I come from a very diverse city where all different kinds of people reside. The influence of one culture to another can add to the family dynamic and can bring traditions into the family. When my parents were married my dad brought many of his Italian traditions into my family. Through my own experience I can see how different culture and social class can influence other, whether it's for better or for worse, it all depends on the family.

It All Depends on the System!

How do families work?

This question isn't something that usually crosses people's minds when they think of the family. When I hear the word "family" I think of what it is, how it plays a huge role in my life, and how important it is. However I've come to realize is that I've never really thought about how the family unit actually works! As I've done some reading I found that all these explanations boil down to one thing, the family dynamics. However there isn't just one way to explain how the family works, there are many different theories. Just as each individual person is unique so is each family. Not one works exactly the same way another does, hence the many different theories. One theory in particular that grabbed my attention is the

Family Systems Theory

This theory explains that each individual in the family unit has a distinct purpose to help the family as a whole. Or in other words each person has a specific role in the family. Now this role isn't stagnant nor does it come in come in slight variations of each other, they are ever changing as the family and individuals grow and develop.

In class we discussed how a young man (let's call him Will) was living his life by making poor decisions that would get him into trouble. He was then sent to a school for boys where he was progressing and changing into a better person. After Will left this school he went back to his "old life" and reverted back to his old ways, getting into trouble again.

Why would he do that? After all that progress why go back to square one? After pondering this I think it all goes back to the idea of being a part of a system. Will's life before the school was a system consisting of his friends and family where he played a very specific role. When he went to the school for boys he began to change because his system was changed. When he was at the school he started to interact with others differently and even received different responsibilities. He was developing different habits which began to change how he acted. He had a new role in a new system. However when Will left the school he reverted back to his old habits because once again his system changed. It didn't change to something he wasn't familiar with, but it did change to the old system he was a part of, where he went back to playing the role he had before going to the school.

Now that I've been in college I've found myself in a similar situation. When I'm home in California with my family I have a specific role that I play that aids in the family dynamic because of the certain responsibilities that I need to meet. When I'm up in Idaho my "family" changes and so does my system. I live on my own and have different responsibilities. I have a certain day I do laundry, I cook all my own meals, and I manage my time according to my needs with social activities, school, church, ect. When I go on break and go home to California I revert back to the role I play in my real family where I can do my laundry pretty much whenever I want, I don't have to cook all my meals, and my time management isn't only about what I need done but what my mom and siblings need done as well. It just depends on the system I'm in.

So when asked the How do families work?  My answer is that it is all about the system. If each person has a positive role in the family system, it can thrive and be amazing. On the flip side if each person has a negative role or doesn't feel like they need to fulfill their role it can cause many conflicts within the family. In the end families can flourish or they can collapse, it all depends on the system and the role each person plays to help the whole! 

Where are the Children?

Does it really matter how many children I have?
In this day and age the family is a term that is becoming more and more vague and defined by so many different things. The definition of a traditional family is generally defined as two parents and some children. But what happens when the children are becoming an after thought? I, myself, have always wanted a big family and hope to have one someday but people now are choosing to delay having children as they opt for other endeavors  such as a career, instead. When putting something like a career first, it can limit the number of children a woman can will want to have, leaving most them to have maybe one child, if any at all. Now most would think, "Whether I choose to have kids or not is my choice" and "The number of children I want to have is not going to affect anyone but my family and me." However it is amazing how low the birth rate has dropped since the 1950's. 
The fact that the world is overpopulating and we are going to run out of resources is true, however it's leading people to believe that having less children is the solution and that is simply not true. With the advancements in technology today the life expectancy of a person is longer than it was 50 years ago. This means that the population is growing because people are living longer than they used to. That being said, as the elderly generation begins to pass away, there won't be many children to replace them within a population, ultimately leading a decrease in population. A decrease in population can eventually lead to many problems including issues in the work force as well as an economic crisis.
So now I want you to ask yourself, does it really matter how many children I have? Of course it does!
Now I know what you're thinking, why is this girl who has never had children telling me that I must have a lot of them and I am by no means telling you how many you should have. Instead I encourage you to truly consider how many children would be right for your family. Certainly careers are important and supporting your family is important but it shouldn't replace importance of having a family.
As you ponder the question above I want to talk about what I learned in class. In class, we discussed the question if families decide to have one child who would it affect the most. My conclusion was that it affects the parents the most. Children are so innocent and see the world in a way that we as adults cannot. They give us perspective and without them we'd miss out on so many learning opportunities. Whether you choose to have one or ten is up to you and your spouse. Just remember that whatever you choose affects more people than you think.

This is me!

My name is Susie Viazzo and currently a student at BYU-Idaho studying Family and Consumer Sciences Education. One of the required classes that I have to take for my major is Family Relations and that is why I've started this blog. I've never done this before but I'm super excited to start! A little about me is that I am from the East San Fransisco Bay Area in the sunny state of California and have lived there my entire life. I love being outdoors doing all kinds of things. I especially like hiking, longboarding, and wakeboarding and will do them any chance I get. I've picked up playing the ukulele in the last year and I would play it all the time if I could. I also love to do anything with food whether it be making it or eating it, however baking is my real passion. Last but not least, I absolutely love my family and everything we do together and I wouldn't have them any other way!