It All Depends on the System!

How do families work?

This question isn't something that usually crosses people's minds when they think of the family. When I hear the word "family" I think of what it is, how it plays a huge role in my life, and how important it is. However I've come to realize is that I've never really thought about how the family unit actually works! As I've done some reading I found that all these explanations boil down to one thing, the family dynamics. However there isn't just one way to explain how the family works, there are many different theories. Just as each individual person is unique so is each family. Not one works exactly the same way another does, hence the many different theories. One theory in particular that grabbed my attention is the

Family Systems Theory

This theory explains that each individual in the family unit has a distinct purpose to help the family as a whole. Or in other words each person has a specific role in the family. Now this role isn't stagnant nor does it come in come in slight variations of each other, they are ever changing as the family and individuals grow and develop.

In class we discussed how a young man (let's call him Will) was living his life by making poor decisions that would get him into trouble. He was then sent to a school for boys where he was progressing and changing into a better person. After Will left this school he went back to his "old life" and reverted back to his old ways, getting into trouble again.

Why would he do that? After all that progress why go back to square one? After pondering this I think it all goes back to the idea of being a part of a system. Will's life before the school was a system consisting of his friends and family where he played a very specific role. When he went to the school for boys he began to change because his system was changed. When he was at the school he started to interact with others differently and even received different responsibilities. He was developing different habits which began to change how he acted. He had a new role in a new system. However when Will left the school he reverted back to his old habits because once again his system changed. It didn't change to something he wasn't familiar with, but it did change to the old system he was a part of, where he went back to playing the role he had before going to the school.

Now that I've been in college I've found myself in a similar situation. When I'm home in California with my family I have a specific role that I play that aids in the family dynamic because of the certain responsibilities that I need to meet. When I'm up in Idaho my "family" changes and so does my system. I live on my own and have different responsibilities. I have a certain day I do laundry, I cook all my own meals, and I manage my time according to my needs with social activities, school, church, ect. When I go on break and go home to California I revert back to the role I play in my real family where I can do my laundry pretty much whenever I want, I don't have to cook all my meals, and my time management isn't only about what I need done but what my mom and siblings need done as well. It just depends on the system I'm in.

So when asked the How do families work?  My answer is that it is all about the system. If each person has a positive role in the family system, it can thrive and be amazing. On the flip side if each person has a negative role or doesn't feel like they need to fulfill their role it can cause many conflicts within the family. In the end families can flourish or they can collapse, it all depends on the system and the role each person plays to help the whole!