Teaching Teaches the Teacher

Dr. Michael Popkins, founder of Active Parenting Publishers, says that the purpose of parenting is to protect and prepare children to survive and survive in the world around them. He believes that the four critical characteristics for children to develop are to be

1) Respectful

2) Courageous

3) Cooperative

4) Responsible

Needs

Children develop these characteristics based on how they are parented. In class we discussed a lot about Popkins research and techniques on active parenting. The first way to be an active parent is to address the needs of the child. A child's need are the following:

Physical Contact & A Sense of Belonging: This means to pat them on the back when they do a good job on something or give them hugs. Put your arm around them or cuddle with them when you watching a movie. All these are way that you can subtlety give physical contact to a child. It's also important to give children the sense that they are wanted and belong in the family. The key is to offer it freely. Don't make them work for your affection that will be more damaging than good.

Power: You must give your child opportunities to make their own choices and endure the consequences that come from those choices whether they are good or bad. These are called natural consequences. However there are times when a parent should intervene in the choice making, which are when the choice or consequence is too dangerous, too far in the future, or when other are effected by the choice. By giving children power they learn response.ability (responsibility). When parents are too constricting or controlling over the child's choices it can cause them to become equally controlling or cause them to rebel.

Protection: Children need to be protected as they grow and develop. This comes from the parent being assertive and forgive towards the child. By giving a child this need it also teaches them how to forgive and protect themselves as they get older. If the child receives no protection and aren't taught forgiveness they instead learn to take revenge or have vengeful behavior.

Withdrawal: Yes it's true, children need to learn how to take healthy breaks. To explain this my teacher used the example of a boy working in the yard pulling weeds with his father. After a few hours of yard work they father tell the boy that he was doing a good job and deserved an ice cream break. After the break was over they got back to work in the yard. Addressing this need helps teach the child how to take breaks and then get right back to work. By teaching them these things they avoid learning procrastination or undue avoidance when learning how to start and finish different tasks.

Challenge: Children, as with anyone, needs to be challenged to learn and grow. When they are challenged they learn how to develop different skills which adds to their personality and character. When children are being challenged it can lead to excessive risk taking.

Now no parent is perfect, even though my mom and dad are pretty awesome, they aren't perfect. When these needs of a child aren't met by the parent it can cause behavioral issue with the child. This is where most parenting goes wrong. Since the child exhibits inappropriate behavior, parent try to fix their behavior in to how they believe their child should act. It is important for the parents to address the needs of the child and not the behavior. When the needs of children are met, improvement in behavior will follow.

Based on everything that has been discussed thus far it sounds like the child benefits a lot from parenting. Although this is true the parents benefit a lot too, maybe even more so. When being a parent an adult work hard, have motivations, give love willing, teaches selflessness, and gives opportunities to learn and grow. Most importantly it gives them yet another purpose is this life on earth. Teaching teaches the teacher and it's the same in parenting. As the child grows so does the parent.